There are aspects of Buddhism I was born in touch with. I understand universal love. I understand detachment (and not the American emo version lol).
But damned if I give a flying fuck about non violence. In fact, I'm very PRO violence. I think love is sometimes a good solid smack upside the head and I think killing those who threaten you is dandy. We are animals and the non violence is a way to keep yourself mindful and above simple animal reactions.
As a concept, I approve of anything that creates mindfulness. For me, violence is mindful. I guess most people don't do it like I do. Violence is an act of love, of contrition, of proving you live, of dancing of fucking of cooking. It's slaughter to create life.
And yet I'm quite against war. I find that amusing.
War is monetary and political. It's not an action that defines life. It's not violence, it's a game that happens to have violent moments.
Somehow, I say violence is good and people assume I go around beating people or applaud abuse and the slave trade. Which just shows that people are idiots who need smacked upside the head more often. Sometimes a child needs a swat and sometimes you need slapped when you take liberties. I don't think the levels of violence that really amuse me are for everyone. I freely admit parts of my brain are quite broken if "able to fit easily and comfortably into society" is the definition of not broken.
All the feralness and careful, thought out, non reactive violence, and the joyous unthought violence that is stronger the more calm and pleased I am... all serve to make folk scared of me. Which, of course, just pisses me off.
All of my friends find the utter love of violence when I'm most joyous rather adorable and simply a part of me. That is why I love them more deeply and with many other positive emotions all blended in.
Love of violence is running out into the hail during a tornado warning to dance out the screams. Love of violence is being tied and beaten until the calm pervades and slips out in a screaming orgasm. It is the loving thought of killing those you love when they are nearing their end or in a pain that will not end. It's wanting to raise my own beef and help slaughter it and process it so that the care and love will infuse it and come back to me as I eat it. It's the pleasure in watching a cat catch a mouse, in watching the lion take down the antelope, in hearing a rabbit scream as it's caught by dog. It's the joy in the pain that happens every day, that is present and colours all the negative emotions that the pain creates. Violence is life and life is joy and so I am a very poor Buddhist in some ways.
Because non violence is so anti what I am that trying to be non violent would be against Buddhism, which is all very balanced and zen and so it feels very right being a violent Buddhist.
Perfection lies in being as utterly you as you can be. When all the illusions are set aside, when the fear of the dark is passed through, when you can face you light side as easily as your dark side, when you know who and what you are and this doesn't dismay or frighten you, when you can nod and appreciate that person and love it... then you can reach perfection.
I think people get confused thinking perfect must be some version of "good". But perfection is a state of being and good is a value judgment. I don't believe in value judgments. I don't think they exist. They are mental constructs.
I'm babbling terribly, but it's been a long day and I'm sick and tired of people being so fucking scared of themselves and their "bad" parts and their darkness and I'm tired of those who therefore fear we who don't fear it all. It's so ridiculous.
If people can just accept that they are mammals, life would be so much easier. Yes, we pollute. All animals do. We litter. All animals do. The difference between a bird eating a nut and tossing shells everywhere and humans eating a snickers and tossing the wrapper is very subtle. It's a natural reaction to spread the seeds. If people understood that they are animals trying to spread seeds perhaps it would be easier to therefore remember to clean up after themselves. But people fear being animals. Animals have no souls and suffer and die and who wants that? So we'll invent stories to feel better. Invent gods who love us best and give us a way out. We'll invent reasons why we are more and better and don't just follow instinct, which is all instinct anyway, so it defeats its own argument.