suicidal is NOT depressed

so in a schedule tightness i had two days on low food. and i am reminded that 48 hours on low calorie makes me suicidal. and psychotic.

for some reason people assume that i'm therefore somehow depressed. i don't understand where that leap comes from. i'm still pleased with everything, think we are the luckiest state in the world because it's raining and perfect temperature, and filled with joy that things are blooming. i just want to have a blood bath. mine and everyone else's. i'm not sure where the depressed comes in. lack of sanity, sure. no arguments.

everything grates on my nerves that has to do with people, but nothing else does. and i don't. grate on my own nerves LOL. it's just that people are so petty, i can't take them seriously. and they take themselves so seriously i have to mock them. on low calories i don't have the excess energy to hold back.

i spend stupid amounts of energy on social shit all week long. i don't have the energy for it away from work and especially when i'm not eating enough. it's all bullshit and lies anyway. small talk drives me up the wall even when i feel well.

i am so tired of bullshit. i mean, i get paid to put up with it, so i deal with it at work. but i don't get paid to put up with it outside of work, so i don't. i have no issue with basic manners, but social games should mean i get to kneecap you with a spiked bat.